This is Going to Hurt

In our first week, we watched a DVD series on pride. Now, for those of you who are picturing me and a bunch of internationals cheering on Jesus in a God-pride rally, let me tell you that isn't what I'm talking about.

What I am talking about is PRIDE, that dark, super-ego feeling of thinking I am better than others, that I am something I am not, that I am independent above others and God. Pride. Like a cancer, it subtly, but quickly spreads undetected throughout my heart and my soul taking me down, and often taking those around me with it. Why is it that pride can have such control of me for so long and I am so oblivious, so in denial, to the point where relationships are broken and I've alienated myself and those around me, all in the name of self?

That, my friends, is the very essence of pride. It hides itself in the darkest corners of our hearts, keeping a low profile, while giving us the illusion that we are right, that we are better than others, that we don't need help, that it was someone else's fault. In the Bible, Obadiah 1:3 says, “the pride of your heart deceives you... ”. Can you believe it?! We are being deceived and being lied to and being tricked by pride. And I don't know about you, but I fall for it every single time.

The speaker on this DVD stated that he believes that every sin, every conflict, even every war, can be traced back to pride: at the root of every sin is pride. In retrospect, pride has been at the epicentre of every conflict in my life, with grace and love nowhere to be found in my heart... only self-interest, self-infatuation, self-pity, self-worship, self-promotion... Proverbs 13:10 says that “pride breeds quarrels... “ and I have gladly, pridefully, taken up many quarrels all in the name of self. It is an on going battle that I am desperate to win, but when I look at the following symptoms of pride, I fear that I may get exactly what I deserve:

superiority                  people pleasing

demanding attitude     taking glory from God 

ungratefulness            divisiveness

hard heart                  selfishness

envy                           blame-shifting

presumption               sarcasm

judgmental, critical     impatience

self-sufficiency            self-pity

flattery                       comparison

disloyalty                    resentment

Ouch.

Friends, I am ill with pride.

And Jesus, by His example and in His wisdom, has given us the cure: humility. And in order to get a prescription to clear up that nasty, festering pride, I have to repent.

Hmmm... maybe there's an antibiotic I could use instead?

It is important to remember that humility is not humiliation. My dictionary widget makes this clear: “Humble and humiliate sound similar, but humiliate emphasizes shame and the loss of self-repect... while humble is a milder term implying a lowering of one's pride or rank”. In John 13, we find the classic example of humility when Jesus, the Son of God, got down on his knees and washed the feet of each of his disciples. Can you imagine?! Jesus, the One who came to save the world from sin, washed His disciples' feet! I mean, think of it in a way that most of us can comprehend: imagine Stephen Harper or Barack Obama or some other powerful world leader or celebrity or authority, humbly getting down on their knees before you and washing your feet. Or imagine getting down on your knees, washing the feet of a homeless person, a thief, someone you despise, or a prostitute. Welcome to humility, where the ground at the foot of the cross is level.

Now, we don't necessarily have to wash another's feet to gain humility. Jesus told us to love others like we want to be loved (Matthew 22:39). His disciple Paul encourages us to consider others better than ourselves (Philippians 2:3) and to respect those in authority over us, working hard because in reality, we are working for God (Colossians 3:22-23). I have never had much success with any of these acts of humility and I have suffered greatly for it, as have my relationships with the people I have failed. If I have learned anything in the last couple of weeks, it is that if there is an area in your life where you are not successful, pride is the likely culprit. Pride is the coward's way, humility takes courage and grace.

In my life, I need to truly submit and accept those who are in authority over me, which for me specifically speaks to my employer. My pride and arrogance has made me a bad employee. A terrible employee, to be honest. I hate that, that's not who I am or who God wants me to be. I am ashamed of my behaviour and my arrogance. Independence, which I seem to love so dearly, has made me susceptible to pride, to sin. Submission, however, will put me in a place of protection under God's chosen leaders. And I need that protection to help keep me from pride.

I am just so thankful that our God is the One of love, fairness, and mercy.

Thanks for reading,

Christy

This is Fiji: Lautoka

I thought it was time to show off my new home for next few months, the city of Lautoka. Lautoka is the second largest city on the island of Viti Levu, with a population of roughly 53,000. Like the rest of Fiji, English is spoken here, along with the main Fijian dialect. The name of the city comes from two Fijian words meaning "spear hit". Apparently, there was a duel between two chiefs. As one speared the other, he was reported to have cried "Lau-toka!" (thanks Wikipedia- is there anything that you don't know?!).

For those of you with Google Earth, my address is 84 Drasa Avenue, Lautoka (I haven't checked to see if the house is on G-Earth).

Here are a few pictures of my new hometown for the next 5 months:

 One of the main downtown streets

 The mannequins in the storefronts are hilarious... is this what Fijian retailers think North Americans look like? I especially like the ½ mannequin on the bottom left hand corner because he looks like my coworker Stephen (minus the blue hair). Snazzy and kind of creepy all at the same time...

 The Farmer's Market. It is huge and you can get any kind of fresh fruit here for very cheap. Last week I bought 4-5 papayas (so yummy!) for FJ$1, approximately 50 cents Cdn. Lots of spices, Indian sweets and Fijian “home-cooked” meals can be found here too. Vegetables, on the other hand, are not as abundant. The inside of the market is mainly commercial and things tend to be not as fresh, while the outside has all of the farmers from inland who come into town Thursday night. They sleep outside at the market until Saturday afternoon.

 Inside the market

This is kava, which is ground up and turned into an alcoholic drink. Fiji is known for the kava drink and I'm sure it is all part of the tourist experience, but it has contributed to a lot of alcoholism in Fiji.

 What a crazy kid! He was at the market and I'm not sure who he was teasing, but he kept making the funniest faces!

The waterfront, where I go jogging early in the morning (so hot, even at 6am!).

I've posted more photos on my Facebook page, which you can access by clicking here.

Thanks for reading,

Christy

Right Where I Belong

Well, I've finally done it. 

I'm a blogger.

And it only took 6400 kilometers of travel to convince me to give it a go. A real go.

That, and a million questions from family (mostly my Mom), friends and coworkers about what would ever convince a 33 year old woman to leave her life behind for six months- a life full of all the "rights things"- a great career, nice little home, a hopeless non-existent love life (oops, how did that one sneak in there?!), great friends, family, a good income, a cute cat named Lola, stability, consistency, familiarity...

I mean, it's only six months, people!

So, what would convince this 33 year old woman to skip town and go away for six months?

God.

It's as simple and as complicated as that.

In fact, my story may sound familiar to some of you (that is, assuming anyone is following this blog... ). To some, it may even sound normal. But normalcy is not what I have ever craved out of life. That may be why I chose to become a paramedic, a career I love and enjoy very much. However, this beloved career of mine isn't one that sees a lot of retirees. So a couple of years ago, I decided to become proactive... insanely proactive. Ridiculously proactive. In addition to my regular full time duties as a paramedic, I completed my business degree and became a project leader for a major healthcare initiative. To say I was busy was the understatement of the year. 2010 was the year it all came grinding to a halt. A rather abrupt, crushing halt. It wasn't pretty and it left me empty, desolate and feeling like I had wasted the last couple years of my life. The undertow of it all was dark, bleak and I was fighting to stay above water. Fighting just to breathe. But I fought the good fight and grabbed on to the only Lifesaver I knew. And it was Him who saved me. Again.


As I clung onto my Lifesaver and regained life, the overwhelming busyness of my former life was a stench that I could not forget. A coworker once sent me an email that told the story of Satan and his minions. They were having a meeting, plotting how to tempt and destroy the world. Their "devious" plan? To distract the world from God with overwhelming idle busyness. Does it work? The conviction I was feeling told me it did. Our lives are overflowing with activities, television, the internet, work commitments, Facebook, meetings, committees, Twitter, cell phones, text messages, advertising... where do I fit God into all of this busyness? More importantly, why am I trying to "fit" Him into my life, instead of making Him the priority in my life? 

I vowed to never be that busy again.

Last spring, I was on the internet one day, looking up information about Fiji for an upcoming missions trip I was involved in. I stumbled upon the website for the Islands in the Sun Discipleship Training School. As I read over the information, I heard God call me His daughter and He told me that He was proud of me and all I have accomplished in this world. And then He gave me an invitation that I could not refuse: it was time to put aside things for the world and for He and I to get to know one another and to build a strong relationship... and I was to start it by joining this “Islands in the Sun DTS” in Fiji. I said yes immediately and then began to wonder how I could leave my life for six months, a life full of all the "rights things" to get up and go to Fiji because God told me so?

A long story short, I am sitting here in Fiji, no worries about my life in Canada. A good, trustworthy friend is taking care of my home and my cat (thank you Ardelle- you are appreciated!). I have been granted a leave from work until July. I have been prayerfully sent off by my church. I have a steady income until the end of May. And, I have been blessed with loving encouragement from friends and family. Not once did I ever have to wonder or worry. Every detail, down to what underpants (I love that word) I took with me, was taken care by God. There's no doubt in my mind that I am here for a reason, right where I belong.

There is a Fijian proverb that caught my eye: 


"Life is like this: sometimes sun, sometimes rain" 


... and that is the inspiration for this blog and for my time in Fiji.

Thanks for reading,

Christy