This is Going to Hurt

In our first week, we watched a DVD series on pride. Now, for those of you who are picturing me and a bunch of internationals cheering on Jesus in a God-pride rally, let me tell you that isn't what I'm talking about.

What I am talking about is PRIDE, that dark, super-ego feeling of thinking I am better than others, that I am something I am not, that I am independent above others and God. Pride. Like a cancer, it subtly, but quickly spreads undetected throughout my heart and my soul taking me down, and often taking those around me with it. Why is it that pride can have such control of me for so long and I am so oblivious, so in denial, to the point where relationships are broken and I've alienated myself and those around me, all in the name of self?

That, my friends, is the very essence of pride. It hides itself in the darkest corners of our hearts, keeping a low profile, while giving us the illusion that we are right, that we are better than others, that we don't need help, that it was someone else's fault. In the Bible, Obadiah 1:3 says, “the pride of your heart deceives you... ”. Can you believe it?! We are being deceived and being lied to and being tricked by pride. And I don't know about you, but I fall for it every single time.

The speaker on this DVD stated that he believes that every sin, every conflict, even every war, can be traced back to pride: at the root of every sin is pride. In retrospect, pride has been at the epicentre of every conflict in my life, with grace and love nowhere to be found in my heart... only self-interest, self-infatuation, self-pity, self-worship, self-promotion... Proverbs 13:10 says that “pride breeds quarrels... “ and I have gladly, pridefully, taken up many quarrels all in the name of self. It is an on going battle that I am desperate to win, but when I look at the following symptoms of pride, I fear that I may get exactly what I deserve:

superiority                  people pleasing

demanding attitude     taking glory from God 

ungratefulness            divisiveness

hard heart                  selfishness

envy                           blame-shifting

presumption               sarcasm

judgmental, critical     impatience

self-sufficiency            self-pity

flattery                       comparison

disloyalty                    resentment

Ouch.

Friends, I am ill with pride.

And Jesus, by His example and in His wisdom, has given us the cure: humility. And in order to get a prescription to clear up that nasty, festering pride, I have to repent.

Hmmm... maybe there's an antibiotic I could use instead?

It is important to remember that humility is not humiliation. My dictionary widget makes this clear: “Humble and humiliate sound similar, but humiliate emphasizes shame and the loss of self-repect... while humble is a milder term implying a lowering of one's pride or rank”. In John 13, we find the classic example of humility when Jesus, the Son of God, got down on his knees and washed the feet of each of his disciples. Can you imagine?! Jesus, the One who came to save the world from sin, washed His disciples' feet! I mean, think of it in a way that most of us can comprehend: imagine Stephen Harper or Barack Obama or some other powerful world leader or celebrity or authority, humbly getting down on their knees before you and washing your feet. Or imagine getting down on your knees, washing the feet of a homeless person, a thief, someone you despise, or a prostitute. Welcome to humility, where the ground at the foot of the cross is level.

Now, we don't necessarily have to wash another's feet to gain humility. Jesus told us to love others like we want to be loved (Matthew 22:39). His disciple Paul encourages us to consider others better than ourselves (Philippians 2:3) and to respect those in authority over us, working hard because in reality, we are working for God (Colossians 3:22-23). I have never had much success with any of these acts of humility and I have suffered greatly for it, as have my relationships with the people I have failed. If I have learned anything in the last couple of weeks, it is that if there is an area in your life where you are not successful, pride is the likely culprit. Pride is the coward's way, humility takes courage and grace.

In my life, I need to truly submit and accept those who are in authority over me, which for me specifically speaks to my employer. My pride and arrogance has made me a bad employee. A terrible employee, to be honest. I hate that, that's not who I am or who God wants me to be. I am ashamed of my behaviour and my arrogance. Independence, which I seem to love so dearly, has made me susceptible to pride, to sin. Submission, however, will put me in a place of protection under God's chosen leaders. And I need that protection to help keep me from pride.

I am just so thankful that our God is the One of love, fairness, and mercy.

Thanks for reading,

Christy