Matthew

I have a friend named Matthew who works with me on the ol' ecnalubma.

Matthew is an EMT and he is a man of many talents who has worked in a lot of different jobs- he's been a bartender, a manager, a realtor, a truck driver... I told you this man is talented! One day, I think very soon, Matty will leave us super awesome ambulance drivers and go and take a much, much lower position... in a fire department (c'mon, that is funny stuff!). He is engaged to a girl that everyone tells me is fantastic (how come you never bring her around so we can meet, Matthew? Hmmm???). He is much, much older than me and he is quite the charmer- but not charmer in the sense that he isn't sincere or that he is fake; Matthew is a very genuine and personable kind of guy. He is a loyal guy who makes time for his friends and who takes the time to talk to others in order to get to know them better- all of which probably explains why he is well liked by so many people. To be honest, Matthew is a little too happy in the mornings at work for my liking (hey, I've never been accused of being a morning person), but I can't fault him for that because he brings a lot of energy to our workplace and it's contagious. I respect Matthew because he is a dedicated and hardworking coworker. Oh, and he is a pretty darn good cook too.

And Matthew does not believe in God.

Matthew is a Taoist.

Yea, I didn't know what that meant either. Matthew has explained it to me and of course, I have consulted the Great Google and the all knowing Wikipedia (that's reliable, right?) for further insight. Taoism (or Daoism) is more of a philosophical lifestyle, but many identify it with religion. Much of Taoist ideologies revolve around wu wei or “action through inaction”. It focuses on the relationships and balance between nature, man and the universe. Harmony with the universe is the most desired result of any action or inaction. Taoists are questioners and analyzers who deeply respect and honour ancestor spirits and immortals. “Taoist theology emphasizes various themes... such as naturalness, vitality, peace, "non-action" or "effortless effort", emptiness (refinement), detachment, flexibility, receptiveness, spontaneity, the relativism of human ways of life, ways of speaking and guiding behaviour” (FYI- a direct quote from the Wikipedia site, under “Principles”... oh my uni profs would not be happy with that reference- definitely not APA format!). With all that said, I'm sure that I have completely bombed that description of Taoism, so go look it up for yourself and, Matty, if you're reading this- I hope you're reading this- please feel free to comment and correct me.

Matthew and I have had several interesting discussions about what I believe and what he believes. Most of these discussions have taken place in the ambulance, on the way home from a transfer (so, really no way to escape... haha, just kidding, Matty!). I don't often talk to others about what I believe, but I can't help it with Matthew. Maybe it's the Taoist questioner in him that makes him so easy to talk to about this kind of stuff (I mean, he actually seems interested)? 

It certainly isn't because of me. 

Truth be told, although becoming a follower of Jesus and a daughter of God was the most important decision of my life and it is these beliefs that are at the core of my existence, I've been scared to share this part of my life with others. I know, it doesn't make sense, does it? If something has blown your mind, the natural instinct is to want to share it with those you care about. I mean, if Tim Horton's came out with the most delicious donut you've ever tasted, you'd be telling a lot of people, wouldn't you? 

You want them to have the same kind of tasty peace, joy and happiness that you've found. And you'd think, that when that discovery not only brings happiness, but it also has eternal consequences (just for clarification- I'm not talking donuts anymore), well, the stakes are much, much higher and so would be your drive to share it with those around you. In my mind, it's imperative that I share my faith with others. However, in reality, I have failed you all miserably.

My attempts to tell others about Jesus have been weak at best. All I've ended up with is sweaty palms and a stammer. Part of me is afraid I will turn you even further off God than you might already be. I know a lot of you have been hurt before by the other Christians, a church, religion in general- and maybe even me. Maybe it's been religious zealots who may have tried to scare you into following God or who judged and criticized you when they themselves are swimming in a sea of wrong. Maybe it's just that you saw someone on TV or in a documentary who claimed to be a Christian but who was clearly an idiot. Don't worry- I cringed too when I heard what they had to say. In fact, I was embarrassed because someone in my Christian “posse” was making us all look like J.As. I'd love to say, “hey, we aren't all like that!”, but then when I look at my own life and see the way I've acted and the words that have come out of my own mouth, I wonder what about my life says that I believe in the One who taught us to live a life of love?

And then there is the fear that you will write me off all together, like I'm some religious nut or I've joined a cult- basically, that you will reject me. I have a lot of pride in admitting this, for I've been telling you all that I really don't care what people think of me. But... that can't possibly be true. I obviously do care, or else I would be sharing the love of Jesus and His amazing story of love with everyone I meet.

It's time to let go of that fear. I mean, if I really love God, if I really love Jesus, if I really love you, then enough is enough. I need to start living a life of love. Oh, I am going to screw up big time every now and then- that's pretty much a given- but I don't want to go on the way I've been living. I'd rather try than just resound my life to the mantra of giving up. I mean, Jesus, the Son of God, literally took the sh*t-kicking of all time for me. He died for me. He took responsibility for every single wrong thing I have ever done. And, He did this for you too. So, why wouldn't I try? Why wouldn't I share His love? Why wouldn't I tell His story?

Why wouldn't you choose Him?

So, with this new found revelation in hand, I have to begin by apologizing to all of you and to God. First and foremost, I am deeply and utterly sorry that I have not sat down with you and told you about the Holy love of God and the most amazing man that ever lived. Jesus did not cower in fear when faced with the cross and I will no longer cower in fear when telling you about the cross. 

The second apology I need to make to you and to God is that I have minimized God down to a simple decision of reward vs. punishment. A couple of weeks ago I was sitting in class, listening to our lecturer talk about how big God is, how good God is and how perfect God is, when I suddenly realized that I have used Heaven and Hell as my biggest argument for choosing God. Essentially, what I did was not only minimize God and downplay His amazing love and Holiness, but I also natively assumed that the only way you were going to choose God was if you realized that rejecting Him equaled punishment. I insulted your intelligence and the depth of your character and for that I am ashamed and I am sorry. God is so much more than Heaven or Hell and you are so much more than someone who is just seeking Heaven or avoiding Hell. No one would chose a relationship based solely on reward or punishment- there has to be more, something so much deeper and intimate. And I know that you are looking for something so much more than angels on clouds, streets paved with gold, Ryan Reynolds, cuddly kittens and fountains of ice cream (uh, yea, that might just be the heaven I imagine... mmmm, ice cream... ).

I heard this question asked before: “if you could go to Heaven and everyone you love was there and everything you desired was there, would you still want to be there if it meant that God was not there?”. When I try to think about this, try to imagine this, my eyes well up with tears and my heart hurts every time because I know, undeniably, that this kind of “heaven” would in fact be, my hell. I don't ever want to live without God, without Jesus. Bar none, it's the most important relationship I have. And I suspect, that if you are a true child of God, who in fact has a relationship with our loving God and who has accept Jesus as the Someone who died a brutal death for your sins, you probably feel the same way I do. So, heaven and hell cannot possibly be the most important reasons to believing in God and accepting Jesus as your Saviour. You, my family and my friends, are much more complex than that and you have questions and wonderings that cannot be satisfied with a simple, “choose Jesus- He's your golden ticket to Heaven”.

So, if not heaven vs. hell, then what is it that should attract you to believe that there is a God, attract you to the belief that “all scripture is God breathed and is useful... " (2 Timothy 3:16), and attract you to the belief that Jesus died on the cross for the sins of all and rose from death after 3 days?

To be honest... I can't answer that question for you.

I know, that's probably not helpful or what you were expecting me to say. Oh, I can tell you some of the amazing characteristics of God, what He has done for everyone of us, the sacrifices He has made for us, the vast grandness of His perfect love and the way He has so intricately designed not just you and me, but the earth we live on and the universe that houses it all. I probably could even quote some stuff from the Bible or even just point you back to my last blog post about the most amazing story in history (if you'd like to read it again or for the first time, click HERE). Those are all great reasons to chose Him- in fact, the more I get to know Him, the more reasons I find to continue to chose Him everyday. Whatever your reason may be for choosing God, it will be your very own, something very personal and distinct that speaks to you and will be the most loving story you've ever known. That's the very wonder of God- He knew you when you were being formed in your mother's womb, He knows your every thought, your every move, He can complete your sentences before you can (this is all found in one of the most beautiful pieces of scripture- Psalm 139). And He loves you so much that He is pursuing you not with a canned message of love (aka Valentine's Day), but with a intimate and unique declaration of His undying love and who He could be to you, if you'd just let Him. For me, God chose me long before I chose Him, audibly speaking to me during the most darkest and devastating times of my life, providing love and comfort at a time when I didn't even know He existed.

He has a way of getting your attention.

So to Matthew- and all my other “Matthews” out there- Ashley, Jenn, Dwayne, Jeffery, Crystal, Tyler, Amanda, Leslie, Andy, Bonita, Krista, Tanis, Jessica, Tracy, Rick, Ronelle, Conrad, Janis, Hailey, Rob, Margaret, Devon, Donna, Ron, Raylene, Cris, Trese, Jada, Dave, Scott, Carly, Etienne, Mom, Dad... my list could go on and on- I would like to say:

First and foremost, I love you and I only want the best for you.

Secondly, forget religion and forget the rules. Forget other Christians and myself who have hurt you so deeply. Forget the rumours of God being a distant, angry tyrant who is causing pain and suffering on this earth. Hell, even forget hell. This isn't about seeking a “higher power” or becoming “religious”- it's about relationship- the very thing we all desire. A close, deep relationship with our Almighty God who loves you and me, despite how much we may screw up. A relationship not based on the good things you do, but solely based on His truly unconditional love for you. He is longing to call you son or daughter and show you things you can't even imagine. You will not find anyone or anything else like Him. Not Allah, not Rama, not Shiva, not Buddha, not Krishna, not your spouse, not your child, and yes, Matthew- I say this in love and not in condemnation- not even Taoism can compare with God.

At the end of the day, you need to chose Him. He has already chosen you a very long time ago, but now He is waiting for you to make your move. God is a gentleman- He will always pursue you, but He will never force you into a relationship with Him, never force you to believe that He exists. He does not want to force anyone's love. He wants you to chose Him freely. And there are no strings attached- His love and yes, even the golden ticket to Heaven, to eternal life, is His gift to you. So, if you believe in God, if you believe that Jesus, the Son of God, was born to a virgin, that He lived a perfect life, only to die horribly when He was 33 years old up on an old wooden cross for our sins, it is time to make your move:

Admit that you have ignored God and need His forgiveness. Believe that Jesus died and rose again for your sins and mine. Commit to follow Him with every part of your life...

And then you pray. Don't worry, there is no “right” way to pray- you are just talking to God wherever you are, however you are... He is going to be so excited just to hear your voice speaking to Him:

Dear Lord Jesus,


I know that I am a sinner and need Your forgiveness. I believe that You died for my sins. I want to turn from my sins. I now invite You to come into my heart and life. I want to trust and follow You as Lord and Savior.


In Jesus' name, Amen.

If you have done this, please tell someone that you know is Christian (like me, for example!). They can help you find a good church (yes, that is part of it- you need other Christians around you to love and teach you), show you the bible and just be a good friend. 

And, if you've decided that this isn't your cup of tea (or cappuccino), don't worry. I still love you (and I will still pray for you).

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

                                     

                                      - Jesus in Matthew 11:28-30

Thanks for reading,

Christy
itsmechristyn@gmail.com